Healthy Ambulating Male Continues to Ask Nurses for Urinal

ATTLEBORO, MA – A very upset Ronald Stern is suing Sturdy Memorial Hospital for the pain and suffering he experienced when his nurse asked him to empty his own urinal.  The 50-year-old Stern was admitted for a routine colonoscopy two days ago, and decided to stay when he felt some mild buttocks pain following the procedure.

“The pain was both horrific and unexpected,” Stern reports.  “But having to dump my own urinal… I don’t ever want to relive that experience, it’s absolutely ridiculous!”

The RN in question, Sandra Just-A-Nurse, reports that Mr. Stern had no trouble walking around when his family visited, and was confused by the patient’s inability to walk to the bathroom.

“I just figured that if he were at home, he would be getting up on his own to go to the bathroom.  He really doesn’t even need to be using the urinal at all, he could just walk himself to the bathroom,” she states, confused by her patient’s complaint.  “I guess the males like to be able to piss without getting up out of bed.”

The incident in question occurred at approximately 3 p.m.  With her afternoon medications administered, Nurse Sandra decided to take her break.  Upon sitting down to eat lunch, the first time she had been able to sit all day, Mr. Stern called stating that he had an emergency and must be helped immediately.

Nurse Sandra immediately rushed to the room to find the patient sitting comfortably in his bed, holding out the full urinal.  Upon seeing his saving grace, he ordered that his urinal be emptied.  Nurse Sandra politely educated her patient that he could indeed walk, and probably do so well as to walk himself to the bathroom to empty his own urinal.  Perhaps he may urinate in the restroom as well, if he feels up to it.  Enraged, the patient began to scream, leading to a great number of nurses, doctors, and medical students to accumulate, stand and stare, and do nothing.

Ronald Stern will be suing the hospital for 3 million dollars to pay for the pain and suffering that he experienced as a result of his nurse’s completely reasonable request.  It is important to note that Stern is indeed capable of walking, and has no medical problems preventing him to walk; this may or may not affect his case against the hospital.