Doctor Has Pseudoseizure to Avoid Patient with Pseudoseizures

by -

TAMPA BAY, FL – Zelda Wilkins credits her “high pain tolerance” as the only way she can handle her affliction with pseudoseizures. Despite frequenting four different hospital systems within the city, 93% of ER physicians polled recognize Zelda at a glance.

pseudoseizure treatment?
Pseudoseizure treatment?

“Hello Zelda, how can I help you today?” asked Dr. Nicholas Weise, who lost rock-scissors-paper at the nurse’s station.

“Oh, Nick, so good to see you again, I just can’t seem to get these seizures under control,” she said, briefly looking up from her iPhone 5.  “The only thing that seems to cure these seizures is morphine and Ativan.”

“I see,” said Dr. Weise, while actually trying to swallow his own tongue, literally.

“Oh, I think another one might be coming,” she said, almost threateningly.

“You know Zelda, during seizures it is not uncommon for patients to actually lose control of their bodily functions, sometimes even peeing on themselves,” he said.

“Really?” Zelda asked.

“Really,” he said, leaving the room.

Dr. Weise then returned to the nursing station, after reviewing the negative laboratory evaluations that had been done 2, 3, 6, 8, and 11 days previously.  Dr. Weise informed the patient the he decided against treating her with Ativan and morphine.  He then attempted to go to another room only to have his spine lock in terror.

“Doctor Weeeeeeeeise, I’m having a seizurrre for real right nowwww, come seeee!” she said triumphantly.

Dr. Weise took one glance at the urine soaked pants of Ms. Wilkins, once again confirming his suspicions about her.  The patient grinned while rhythmically shaking her arms and rolling her eyes back in her head.

“I told you!  Can I get some Ativan now?” she asked while watching the single tear fall from Dr. Weise’s weary face.

Dr. Weise then collapsed to the ground and pretended to thrash around until he was removed away from the patient by others.

After finding out she would not be receiving morphine and Ativan, Zelda eloped from the emergency department.  Dr. Weise could not be further interviewed due to the fact that whenever we mentioned her name, he would have another pseudoseizure.

  • maureen_saunders

    Ammonia ampoule taped inside a NRB mask at 15L O2. Too much?

  • Kelly Goshon

    TOO funny! Since I started working at a jail 4 months ago, I have attended well over 20 ‘seizures.’ Only one was real.

  • Alicia Cabral

    I wish the general public believed that this is the way it really is…. They think this is a joke!

  • Carrie Sanders

    Sherry M Miller

  • Gomerblog

    This had us laughing pretty hard!

  • Eve Hall

    Unfortunately, I think we all know zelda.

  • Tansley Ducote

    Love it. We need to be able to do this without getting into trouble.

  • Lindsey Ellis

    Peanut Butter Balls, STAT, James Collins!!!

  • Tara Underkofler Howard

    Bwahahaha! I should try that! Irritating patient with ‘non-organic hearing loss’ trying to fake their way to a govt check…’sorry! I’ve had a temporary threshold shift!’

  • Jenny Penny

    Didn’t even read it yet…but already love it!

  • James Collins

    Doctors’ pseudoseizures presents localized to legs as they moon walk out of the room.

  • Matt Hopkins

    So is being told you need to be catheterized to prevent any accidents.

  • Tony James

    Ha! inhaled ammonia is an excellent remedy for pseudoseizures.

  • Paul Slocombe


  • Laurie Parkinson

    I think I know Zelda, too! LOL

  • Daniel González Padilla

    ““Hello Zelda, how can I help you today?” asked Dr. Nicholas Weise, who lost rock-scissors-paper at the nurse’s station”

    hahahahaha oh god i love this